TTOB bonus 01, The Tao of Badass
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]The Friend Zone
The Friend Zone
Have you ever been forced into the friend zone by a woman you were
really attracted to? Have you ever wanted to force a woman into the
friend zone because you weren’t attracted to her? The friend zone is
surprisingly easy to control, but most men aren’t able to because they
make the same mistakes over and over again.
Falling into the friend zone is almost always an accident, but
unfortunately it’s an accident that’s very dificult to recover from.
A man who is a badass with women has learned how to guide
interactions so that he will never just be a friend unless he wants
to. In this chapter, I’m going to teach you everything you need to
know to keep yourself out of the friend zone, and if you ever ind
yourself in a situation where you want to force a woman into it –
because you’re not attracted to her, perhaps, or because you’re in
a relationship – you can do so fairly easily by simply
not
doing the
things you’re going to learn here.
When a woman starts using “we” verbiage, calls you “a good
friend,” or says things like “I’m glad you’re around,” you’re seeing
the beginning signs of being placed into the friend zone. Even
though they indicate that the process has just started, it’s already too
2
the Friend Zone
late to pull yourself out of it. There is only one way to potentially
remove yourself from the friend zone, but you must risk everything
– including the platonic friendship – to make it happen. You’re much
better off knowing how to stay out of the friend zone in the irst
place.
notes
Humans use their extraordinarily intelligent subconscious minds
to judge people almost instantly after meeting them. We gather
all of the information available to us about someone, and form an
impression of that person based on what we learn from it. When
a woman looks at you for the irst time, she decides immediately
if you’re the kind of man who talks to a lot of people, or the kind
of man who introduces himself to strangers. She assesses whether
or not you’re a man who would buy her a drink, or who would be
good to bring home to her mother. In the irst few moments, she
will make as many decisions about you as she possibly can with the
information given to her. This is why it’s essential that your default
mode is one that encourages your success later on in the interaction.
Ask yourself now if you’re the kind of guy – or, more correctly, if
you’re giving off signals that you’re the kind of guy – who naturally
touches everyone casually. If you’re not that guy already, you’re going
to need to become him. The reason this is so important is a concept
referred to as a touch gap. Think of the touch gap like this: when you
irst meet a woman, there is a little crack in the ground between you.
As you communicate with her without touching her, the crack grows
larger until it becomes a crevice that you must leap to get over. If you
continue to build rapport without touching her, it becomes a massive
canyon that you can’t cross. You’ll have to walk away, give the situation
time to reset, and then return later - months, maybe even years, later.
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3
the Friend Zone
Obviously, that is not an effective strategy. The only way to defeat
the friend zone is never to fall into it. So why does it happen? A
man falls into the friend zone A) Because he does not bridge the
touch gap, and B) Because he builds rapport at the appearance of the
irst, tiny glimmer of interest from a woman. Many men, especially
those who are new to learning this subject, tend to blow their chances
with women by doing too much too quickly. Men who aren’t used to
thinking of themselves as attractive to women tend to be needy, and
pursue women too strongly when they’ve shown only minor signs of
interest. Trying to build rapport too early in an interaction is a huge
error that will land you in the friend zone.
notes
You might spend two hours at a bar connecting with a woman,
discussing art, literature, philosophy, and ind yourself stuck in the
friend zone afterwards because you failed to escalate. Combining
poorly timed rapport building with a failure to bridge the touch gap
will destroy your chances all together.
Scared yet? Don’t be. There is a system for escalation that every man
can learn. You may have noticed that certain cultures seem to breed
Don Juans – the French, for example, and the Italians – who are
intensely successful with women, particularly American women. This
happens because they come from cultures in which people naturally
touch each other a great deal. They touch parents, friends, strangers
– everyone! – because it is customary in their society in a way that
it is not in ours. Women tend to accept this increased amount of
touching when they ind out that a man is from one of these cultures,
and all of a sudden, he has a free pass to do whatever he wants to!
He will be able to escalate more quickly than men who are not from
traditionally touchy cultures.
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4
the Friend Zone
Fortunately for you, you do not have to be Italian or French to
successfully escalate an interaction with a woman. When you meet a
random girl in a bar, she is not judging you based on your nationality;
she judges you based on how you’re acting. If, from the very
beginning, you act like you touch a lot, she will accept that that’s a
part of your personality. It’s just who you are. She will think of you
in the same way that she thinks of a man who is from a culture that
frequently physically engages with other people.
notes
Don’t expect a group of people who knew you before you started
studying this to accept this new part of you immediately, because
they’ve already made their judgments about you. When they met
you, you were not the kind of guy who naturally touched people.
Changing your behavior can often lead to very adverse reactions from
people you already know – they might even try to cut you out of their
lives or keep you from growing – but don’t be discouraged. If you
ind yourself in this situation, there’s really nothing you can do to ix
it. You must simply have the courage to leave it behind, secure in the
knowledge that your self-improvement is more important than people
who are trying to stunt your growth.
When you have become conident in the mindset that you are a man
who touches people, you’re ready to learn how to use the system
for touch escalation to your advantage. How do you do it? What
happens if you screw it up? How do you know you’re doing it well?
How do you learn to make it natural instead of a conscious effort?
Ultimately, the most important thing to remember is that touch
escalation will only work if you touch with the proper mentality, at
the proper time.
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